The Grip

Every now and again I’ll find someone who is not gripped by an experience, but it is rare.  Like when we touch a hot stove as a small child and quickly understand that high levels of heat are a source of pain.  We become skiddish, cautious, and mindful of our surroundings around stoves and hot flames.  Should the initial incident involve a trip to the hospital, we may never touch a stove again.  It’s nonsensical, but it is understandable.  The experience has a grip on the soul of the victim.

For most of us the grip is much more than a hot stove.  It involves our heart, the highest energy source of our body, and the main instrument from which we can manifest our dreams.  The experiences all vary dramatically as do the impacts.  Even if comparing one victim of molestation to another, the stories always roll out with unique circumstances that, in some ways, make the burden of pain solely their own.  And, to me, even more fascinating, is the varied response to this experience.  Some will walk away with nearly no repercussions while others allow their minds to hold them in a state of fear or panic or pain.  Their minds hold them in a state of limitation.  A grip.

Perhaps this is fascinating to me because I’ve spent so much of my own life overcoming these limitations and each time I approached another level of release, I recognized I had yet another limitation to hurdle.  It’s frustrating really, and even more so when I acknowledge that I created the hurdle.  I had a choice when I walked through my experiences, I just didn’t realize it.  By the time you see that you can just change your mind and see life differently, your subconscious has taken hold and you find yourself walking around in limiting patterns you don’t even see are present.  But, you know something is wrong because you can’t quite get a total grip on happiness and joy.

For me the grip started in 5th grade, as I mentioned in earlier blogs, patterned itself throughout the remainder of my childhood and virtually dictated all my decisions for the first couple of decades of adulthood.  Fear.  That’s the core issue for most people really.  Mine was a fear of never being loveable, being forever alone, and having no value worthy of anyone’s time.  I have spent the majority of my adult life trying to morph to what I perceived were the desires of those around me in order to gain approval.  Wow!  Just rereading that last sentence practically stops me dead in my tracks.  What a strange concept.  You want to know what I lost for that decision?  My spirit.

Along the way, as I healed myself through loads of book reading, coaching, and God, I met countless people in the same position.  Dreams left by the wayside years ago.  Present knowledge that they are living an unhappy or overly stressed life because they lost all courage to fight for what they want and who they are or who they were meant to be.  All living inside of limitations set by other people whose behavior caused pain.  Limiting actions to avoid future pain.

Here’s the deal.  It’s not always easy to see the limitations, as I mentioned above.  They can hide away sneakily inside the subconscious mind.  But, just like you had a choice to make a decision to limit yourself when you experienced something bad, you now have a choice to stop living your existing life based on an experience in your past that has nothing to do with your present.  Stop approaching every situation as if it is the same situation.  It’s not.  Life changes.  People change.  Now, the question is will you change?

There are thousands of books on this subject.  The road to healing can be long.  In the beginning, stepping into the life you were meant to live can actually be more uncomfortable than living in limitations.  Change is hard, even good change sometimes.  But, not pursuing who you were meant to be, which is virtually impossible when you are living your life based on past experiences, is no life at all.  It’s an imprisonment.  Aren’t you a little curious about who you would be if you broke down the walls?  I am.

Today I face a whole new path in life.  It feels super uncomfortable.  I have to fight the natural response to judge myself and worry what others will say.  I have no idea exactly what my future holds which is extraordinarily uncomfortable for my Type A control freak personality.  But, ya know what, I’m not sure I was ever meant to even be a Type A control freak.  That manifested as a result of analyzing my every move to be certain it aligned with the wants and needs of others.  For all I know, I am meant to be a total surfer chick who doesn’t care about anything but sun and sand!  But, whatever that person is meant to be, I am going after it like people go after their professions, degrees, fastest time in the marathon, or the crowning victory of Miss Universe.  I get one life to live and I want to live it authentically.  I want to feel pure joy, peace, and happiness.  I want a life filled with laughter and contentment, knowing I awaken each day stepping further into the destiny that God laid on my heart, not the journey others’ might expect me to live, and so should you!

Your past experiences – Bless and Release!

Your present experiences – open your mind, connect with your heart, and go after the dreams that set your soul on fire!

Tonya Stuart


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